Valeria Protasova
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Lying is never pleasant. But it’s one thing if a stranger lies to you, whom you will never see again, and quite another if the liar is your beloved man.
How to understand the situation and stop your spouse from lying? And is the “game worth the candle”?
- First of all, you need to understand why your spouse is lying. Possible reasons are “wagons and trolleys,” but once you find out the main one, you will understand how to deal with this scourge. Lying may turn out to be part of a man (there are such dreamers for whom lying is an integral part of life), or he is simply afraid to be frank with you, or he answers you in the same coin.
- Is he lying only to you or to everyone? If only for you, then the reason should be sought in your relationship. Think about whether your family has enough mutual trust - and? Maybe you are not too honest with your spouse?
- Does he lie to everyone? And doesn't blush? It is almost impossible to rehabilitate a pathological liar. The only option is to find the true cause of his problem and, after talking seriously with his husband, make joint efforts to combat this addiction. Most likely, it will not be possible to do without the help of a specialist.
- Are you putting too much pressure on your spouse? Excessive control over a man has never benefited the family boat - often wives themselves push their halves to lies. If a tired man, on the way home, went to a cafe with a friend and diluted the dinner a little with alcohol, and his wife is already waiting for him at front door with the traditional “Oh, you…”, then the spouse will automatically lie that he didn’t drink anything, that he was late at the meeting, or was forced to “sip a little” because “corporate ethics requires it.” This also happens when the wife is too jealous. “A step to the left means execution” will make every man howl. And it’s good if he just lies so that you don’t get yourself worked up over trifles again. It's worse if he actually takes a step to the left, tired of being accused of something he never did. Remember: a man also needs rest and at least a little free space.
- He is afraid of offending you. For example, he says that this dress suits you very well, although he thinks otherwise. He theatrically admires a new batch of knitted bunnies or smacks his lips over a plate of soup with excessive enthusiasm. If this is your case, then it makes sense to be happy - your man loves you too much to say that there is nowhere to put rabbits, you still haven’t learned how to cook, and it’s time to buy a dress a couple sizes larger. Are you annoyed by such “sweet” lies? Just talk to your spouse. Make it clear that you are quite an adequate person to calmly accept constructive criticism.
- You are too critical of your spouse. Perhaps in this way he is trying to be more successful in your eyes (he slightly overestimates his own achievements). Let go of the reins. Be supportive of your loved one. Learn to accept it as fate gave it to you. Be objective and constructive in your criticism - do not abuse it. And even more so, you shouldn’t compare your significant other with more successful men.
- Lying about little things? Starting from the weight of the caught pike and ending with grandiose army tales? Never mind. Men tend to slightly exaggerate their achievements or even invent them out of the blue. Your “weapon” in this case is humor. Treat your spouse's quirks with irony. It is unlikely that these tales will interfere with your family life. Better yet, support your husband in this game of his - maybe he lacks your faith in him or the feeling of his worth.
- The spouse lies constantly, and the lies affect the relationship. If your other half comes home after midnight with lipstick on his collar, and convinces you that “the fly-in has gone on for too long” (and other serious symptoms), it’s time to have a serious conversation. Most likely, your relationship has suffered a deep crack, and it’s no longer about how to stop him from lying, but about why the family boat is sinking. By the way, .
- Cards on the table? If lies become a wedge in your relationship, then yes, you can’t pretend that you don’t notice his lies. Dialogue is mandatory, and without it the situation will only get worse. If the lie is harmless and limited to the size of the pike, then conducting an interrogation with bias and demanding sincerity “otherwise it’s a scam” is unproductive and pointless.
- Want to teach a lesson? Conduct a mirror experiment. Show your spouse how he looks in your eyes by responding in the same way. Lie brazenly and without a twinge of conscience - demonstratively, openly and on every occasion. Let him change places with you at least for a little while. As a rule, such a demonstrative “démarche” works better than requests and exhortations.
What to do in the end?
It all depends on the scale and reasons for the lie. Exaggeration and fantasy are not a reason even for frowning brows
(it’s unlikely that this bothered you when you went to wedding dress to Mendelssohn's march).
August 16, 2015
There is hardly a person in the world who has not cheated. Remember yourself or your friends who, after being late for school, came up with a thousand reasons and excuses. Or your parents, to whom you told that you were hanging out with friends, but in fact it was a guy. Yes, indeed, everyone lied. But how to deal with the fact that close person deceived you? This is the question we will answer.
It really all depends on the situation. There are situations when it is difficult to judge a guy for lying. Let's say he went to the store to choose a gift for you, and you call. As a result, in order for the surprise to remain a surprise, he has to lie. A pregnant wife often asks her husband if she is beautiful. AND loving husband, despite all the sizes that spoil the figure of her beloved, she says that there are no changes and she is as beautiful as before. But this is all a deception. However, for some reason we perceive him well. What's the secret? First, let's figure out what the word “lie” means?
A lie is a statement that does not correspond to the truth and is expressed in this form deliberately.
That is, if a person deceives and does not realize his guilt, then it turns out that he is not lying.
Yes, I agree that men lie more than women. And lying is very bad. But by his masculine nature, a guy can resort to this. For example, in Buddhism there are 3 holy lies that according to their religion can be used:
1. To save the family
2. To maintain friendship
3. To preserve peace
And in principle it’s hard to disagree. We even have such a concept - a white lie. But it’s still better not to go as far as lying. Because it's fog and what more people lies, the more he immerses himself in it. And over time, he himself no longer knows where the truth is and where it is not.
And so now understanding what a lie is and that everything depends on the situation, let’s move on to solving our problem. The reason that a man lies is always the fear of answering for his actions and being punished. Indeed, the guy is often afraid to take part in the next scandal, so he decides to deceive. Most likely, he cannot overcome some negative qualities that you do not like in him and tries to hush up about them. This leads to insincerity and closedness of a person. Therefore, if you cannot put up with lies, then you need to fight them.
Let's consider the instructions for wise girls on what to do if a guy cheated:
1. Analyze what the lie is and how it can be caused. If, for example, a guy smokes, but told you that he doesn’t smoke. Most likely, he cannot overcome his addiction and is trying not to upset you. Also, for example, you are waiting for a guy at home, and he said that he is late from work. But in fact, he was meeting with a friend. The lie is caused by the fact that the guy is afraid to admit it to you, since you will scold him. And here the reason is excessive freedom of action on his part or on your part, depriving him of time to communicate with a friend.
2. Make decisions for yourself. You must understand what outcome would be acceptable to you. But do not forget that the main thing in a relationship is the ability to find compromises. That is, the solution must suit both people. For example, he devoted time to a friend, but not to you. Then you should invite your loved one to meet all three and spend an interesting time together. Or reconsider your relationship and give your chosen one more free time. This will also give you free time that you can spend on your hobbies.
3. Frank conversation. Since you have made decisions for yourself, you can start the conversation itself. In this conversation, confidently and decisively tell your loved one that you have detected a lie on his part. Explain what exactly the lie itself is. During the conversation, try to confirm your words with facts so that the guy does not have the opportunity to manipulate and avoid answering. And so calmly and confidently you proved the existence of lies on his part.
4. Lying ruins relationships. Now explain to your chosen one that lying does not lead to anything good. After a small deception comes a bigger deception. And over time, you will generally stop understanding each other and being sincere. And since you together do not want to allow this to happen, then invite him to first apologize for his action if he has not yet done so. And then let him offer his solution to the problem.
5. Compromise and a decent solution. Most likely the guy will start promising that this won’t happen again. Then offer him your solution that will satisfy both. By doing so, you will raise your self-esteem in his eyes, and in the future he is unlikely to want to lie. After all, it’s better to resolve everything amicably with you. In rare cases, he will offer a solution that does not satisfy you. Then you need to remind him of his lies and tell him that he has no right to demand so much. Then offer your compromise.
This instruction will help you raise your authority in the eyes of a man. You are also beautiful and confident and will do everything possible to prevent it from happening in the future. The main thing is to try never to make a scandal about this. Since welding will not lead to a solution to your problem, but most likely, on the contrary, will distance you from each other.
How do men cheat? Here is a list of male replicas that can have a double bottom. Just don’t strain yourself too much now - I said “they can”, not “they should”! It’s worth thinking about them if these phrases are combined with other “alarm bells” or a chronic lack of his attention to you.
— There's been so much work lately that I'm just out of breath, I'll call you, he says at the end of your date. Most likely, he won’t call again; your relationship ended before it even began.
— At our work, no matter the woman, she’s a wretch!- if variations of this phrase are repeated too often - he clearly has a crush on one of these monsters.
— There are few normal women, basically everyone wants to sell themselves at a higher price, - you are an honest and selfless girl. Prove this, don’t ask him for anything so that he doesn’t think that you are “one of those”...
— Honey, I’m so tired that I just don’t have the strength to roll over in bed...- if he gets “tired” too often, he’s obviously tumbling with someone on his desk.
— You're one of those rare women who looks like a thousand dollars in any outfit.! - Why do you need money for clothes? You look good in a faded robe.
— Our salaries are being delayed, you can reschedule them salon treatments for next month...— salon treatments will go to the one in whose bed he needs to establish himself.
—Look, darling, how lucky I am! I open the car door and almost step on a gold bracelet!- Whether you believe in miracles or not, invite him to melt this thing down for earrings. I think he will find a way to explain to his over-aged mistress that his wife is far from a fool.
— We need to check our feelings, - it’s time to disappear for an indefinite period: I’m a little tired of you!
- T I was in such a hurry to meet you that I put on the wrong jacket by mistake!- You will pay for dinner in a restaurant - it’s enough for me that I came anyway.
— Let's not advertise our relationship for now. Let this be our secret for some time - so that no one jinxes our love!- if his wife “jinxes” your love, he will not feel very comfortable.
— My mother has a character, before introducing you to her, she needs to be mentally prepared for this, - for starters, you need to divorce your wife, otherwise a morally unprepared mother may behave inappropriately.
— I don’t understand how you can sleep with a stranger? How can you even have soulless sex? I didn’t find myself in the trash heap and prefer only “clean” and strong connections,- a phrase that kills several birds with one stone and has the widest range of applications:
1. You, if he called you to bed, are not just “random” and “another,” but “special” and “deeply sunk into his soul.”
2. Girls who fall for this powerful trick of experienced womanizers firmly believe that his disgust will firmly protect them from possible betrayals.
3. “Pure and lasting relationships” is real verbal magic, because it is associated with what most dreamers lack - pure and honest love.
—Maybe I still don’t want to sleep with you, and we will remain friends, let’s talk to you some more, tell me what’s important to you in a relationship?- having heard such verbiage, be vigilant - either in front of you is a man with wandering potency, or he is a gigolo who has paid attention to the hungry shine of your eyes.
— These modern, emancipated idiots end up alone. A woman should be feminine, flexible and homely - then she will get a good man who will take care of her... And bitches good men they don’t get it, they just have fun with them and then throw them away, - in fact, those who are usually called “bitches” themselves choose the Best men for themselves (in the sense of men, according to their taste), or, as an option, they create a couple with such a “pseudo-preacher” and make a man out of him without complexes and prejudices.