Once upon a time I had such a case. For some reason I suddenly stopped liking one employee. I can't say that I liked her before. No. She just didn't evoke any emotion. We worked together. But at some point, something inside me turned on, and at first I felt a slight hostility towards this person. When I saw her, my mood immediately deteriorated. I didn't want to talk to her at all. If we had to, everything was very tense. Further, I caught myself thinking that I was literally looking at her as if under a microscope. Her haircut is completely off topic. Hair looks messy. Her makeup is too provocative. You need to be more modest at work. Her jewelry is generally in bad taste. How could you choose something like that, and even put it on yourself? Yes, and to work.
Clothing is mind boggling. What does she think about when she gets dressed in the morning? Her figure seemed a bit plump to me one day, and thin and dry the next. Her voice sounded like a nasty squeak. And laughter resembled blows metal lids. In general, everything was absolutely wrong!
And instead of not paying attention to her at all, I began to intensely control all her movements. Mentally criticizing her every time she appeared in my field of vision. At the same time, the mood dropped below the plinth and anger appeared.
This went on long enough. And this state has already begun to exhaust me. Because even after work I couldn’t stop thinking about this employee. Having passed unnoticed to herself to the stage of wishing all the worst for her. When I already had insomnia, this girl became my worst enemy. All my thoughts were completely devoted only to her and control of her life. I don’t know exactly what this situation could have reached. Then, quite by accident, I came across an envy test. Of course, I considered myself an open, kind and not at all envious person. After taking the test as a joke, I realized that everything was not as rosy as I thought. I passed again, but this time taking the questions seriously. The result was not particularly pleasing. I began to think, delve into myself, analyze this situation with the employee. Yes! It was envy pure form. The hardest thing was to admit to myself that I was jealous. This included all sorts of excuses and whitewashing of me in front of myself. Then it was difficult for me to fully understand all the accumulated feelings and attitudes towards this person. But I did it. And this nightmare is over.
After that, I delved into the topic of envy for a long time. What is this? Why does it occur? Does this happen to everyone? How to deal with it, or better yet, prevent it? I discussed these topics as if by chance with everyone I knew. I searched the Internet. And this is what I understood:
* Almost no one will ever admit to you that he is an envious person. Or that there are moments when envy turns on. I think that many people cannot admit this to themselves. Because envy is so “low”. And most people know that this is one of the ten deadly sins.
* Almost everyone is jealous. Someone gets stuck in this process and turns their life into the desire to possess what someone else has. The one who is envied. Almost immediately, along with envy, the “find the bad in him or her” turns on. The one I envy. Confidentially tell others something bad about this person. Control his life. Celebrate his failures. Grind your teeth at his success. By any means, get what you are jealous of. It’s nonsense that you can live absolutely calmly and happily without this. Necessary means necessary. We will persistently suffer and achieve our supposedly mega-important goal.
For some, a mild form of envy is an incentive to achieve new goals. If he/she did it, achieved it, received it - why can’t I? But the main thing here is that the goals are not alien. Achieving other people's goals is not always happy. It’s a pity that it comes late, but at the moment of “conquering someone else’s peak,” you can feel tired instead of joy. And misunderstanding - what was so much time spent on? Therefore, it is very important to check the goals - mine or someone else's.
* There is no need to fight envy in yourself. The most important thing is to realize and accept. Admit to yourself that yes! I'm jealous. I envy this... I envy because... I envy because of this... Only after that, consider the object of envy from all sides and think carefully:
Why do I need this?
Do I need exactly this and specifically?
Or would you like something similar, but a little different?
How will I feel when I receive this?
How will my life change after this?
Will the attitude of others towards me change?
Am I ready for all these changes and changes?
Do I really need this?
After all, if you answer all these questions honestly and sincerely, the tension and grip of envy will become much weaker. Because a conscious attitude towards anything is taking responsibility for your life. This is a clear and precise understanding of what I want, why I want it and why I need it. Therefore, if you add your wishes to what you envied, then it will simply be your wish. Or your goal. Remember the movie “The Diamond Arm”: “Is there one like this, but with mother-of-pearl buttons? No? We will search." And during the search process, you will decide for yourself whether you need to go in that direction. Or you can easily do without all this.
* Envy often arises when comparing yourself to others. As soon as a comparative thought appears, drive it away. Because YOU are YOU. I am ME. HE is HE. And each of us is one and only of our kind. No two people are alike. So allow yourself to be yourself. Live your life. Because you want it. And in the way you know how. Sometimes make mistakes. Rejoice and be sad. Go towards your goals. Make decisions that are important to you. Build and live your life without regard to others. It's very simple. The main thing is not to forget about this.
Think about what you devote most of your life to? Does this bring you joy? Is there envy in your life? Do you really need it? Be honest with yourself. After all, your future depends on it.
Envy. How to stop being jealous?
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One of the common manifestations of human emotions is envy. This feeling is firmly rooted in society, in all spheres of activity. Envy is present in everyday life, in business relations, to material wealth. But the most important thing is that this very emotion, despite its prevalence, only carries harm, destroying more important and brighter feelings.
Envy as a manifestation of human essence
Often, when comparing oneself subconsciously, and sometimes consciously, a person comes to the conclusion that someone is smarter, more beautiful, richer. An annoying thought haunts you, thereby relegating your own merits and achievements to the background. In the eyes of envious people, reality seems to be distorted, the colors of life disappear, one’s own significance is lost, a person eats himself up from the inside. Sleep is disturbed, mood disappears, self-worth is depressed, resulting in stress, depression, and health problems.
Then how to stop being envious so as not to harm yourself and others?
A few general rules
- First of all, we must understand that all people are unique and inimitable, but there is no absolute perfection. A smart and beautiful woman can be unhappy in her personal life, and an unsightly and ugly little man can have a luxury car and a wife with a model appearance. This leads to the second rule.
- There is no need to waste time and energy on envy; it is better to focus on your strengths, talents, knowledge and skills, setting out to radically change your life. And if you belong to the human race, then everything will work out (see point 1).
- Separate envy from healthy competition. Sitting and watching others improve their well-being, improving their body, and throwing evil glances in their direction is envy, but raising your butt and starting to act is competition.
- Ask a truly close person to name all their strengths; everyone has them. An outside view is always more objective than your own.
- And finally, how to stop being jealous? People suffering from this illness need to analyze themselves, their goals and needs, compare their capabilities with their desires, and outline a plan of action.
After making sure you understand the above general rules, you can look into the root of individual reasons for envy and understand their essence.
Material wealth
Envying material wealth, you need to think about whether the one who has them is happy? “The rich also cry” is not only the name of a series well-known to many. These are the realities of life. After all, how much effort and nerves did wealthy people spend before becoming so? How much do you have to spend so as not to lose everything? Do they have free time to spend with friends and loved ones? Do they even have friends or just business partners? The answer to the question “how to stop envying others who are wealthier and more successful” suggests itself: imagine yourself in their place, remove the tip of the iceberg and look into the abyss underneath. Still have the desire? Then, realizing the complexity of achieving financial well-being, comparing with your abilities and strengths, gather your will into a fist, sketch out a plan of action - and forward to your goal. If a person is not stupid, then envy will go away, and in its place will be healthy passion and the desire to achieve the same level or higher.
Beauty and attractiveness
One of the reasons for envy can be appearance. How to stop being jealous of a friend with a beautiful figure? And who set the boundaries of beauty? “There are no comrades according to taste,” says a wise proverb. Some people like slimness and sophistication, while others prefer curvaceous shapes. And then, beauty is not a reason for envy, but rather an incentive to improve oneself. After all, no one is stopping you from pulling yourself together and at least starting to do exercises. Choose a diet for yourself and stop eating, smacking your lips, gnawing envy. The very first results will make this annoying thorn leave your mind. There would be a desire. And then, to consolidate your success, you can ask that same friend for advice and find out how she herself achieved such results. This way you can maintain your friendship and become more attractive.
Career
How to stop being jealous of a careerist? Just imagine what he had to sacrifice for the sake of promotion. Sleepless nights, lack of personal life, abandoned children, restless husband. All this can be present in the life of a person making a career. Of course, this is not a reason to give up everything and hide within four walls. You need to compare all the pros and cons, decide for yourself what comes first, what is most important in life. Perhaps these are excellent parenting qualities that will help raise a wonderful person who you can be proud of throughout your life. This can be a kind of career - investing your strength and skills in the future of children. And you won’t have to regret the lost time, shyly lowering your eyes when talking about your own children.
Health
How to stop envying good health? It is not a fact that the person who is envied has a really strong one. Appearance is not always an indicator. And a wise person will not disclose the list of his illnesses to everyone around him. It is better to pay attention to your own condition. If necessary, consult a doctor. After all, there are a lot of people in the world who are terminally ill, but at the same time they completely lack a feeling of envy, they simply do not have time to envy. They try to fill their lives with maximum positive emotions. Maybe we should learn from them?
Intelligence and talent
How to stop envying a smart, talented person with high intelligence? There is nothing easier - to do your own! People are not born stupid and untalented, they become so from idleness and laziness. IN modern world There are so many sources of information that it would be a sin not to use them. Having delved well into yourself, you can always find your own talent, which simply yearns to be revealed and developed.
Summarizing all of the above, we conclude: envy is a swamp that pulls you to the bottom, displacing a person’s inner world, his individuality, devastating and depriving him of the breath of life.
And yet, how to stop envying and live your own life? Having realized your personal merits, begin to realize your desires, which will take a lot of time and will not give any opportunity for envy to enter your life!
Ecology of consciousness: Today we will answer the question of how to get rid of envy and stop envying people. Envy is a common vice that is reflected in various cultures and traditions. For example, in Catholic theology, envy is one of the seven deadly sins, associated with other vices and crimes.
Today I will answer the questionhow to get rid of envy and stop envying people. Envy is a common vice that is reflected in various cultures and traditions. For example, in Catholic theology, envy is one of the seven deadly sins, associated with other vices and crimes.
Indeed, because of envy, many terrible actions are committed, which people later regret. But even if a person does not express envy outwardly, it eats him up from the inside, causing him to experience senseless pain and frustration due to the fact that other people have things that this person would like to have or have personal qualities that the envious person wants to have.
This pain is meaningless because it does not lead to anything other than suffering. Envy, dissatisfaction, which is learned by comparing ourselves with other people, does not bring us closer to what we envy so much: money, attention, social status, external attractiveness.
Instead of sharing the joy of success with another person or using his example as a life lesson, we envy, subconsciously wish for his failure, cultivate hatred for ourselves and suffer ourselves.
But the insidiousness of envy lies not only in the fact that it causes other vices, such as hatred, intolerance, irritation and despondency. The point is that envy cannot be satisfied. No matter how rich we are, someone will still be richer than us. If we receive a lot of attention from the opposite sex, then in any case we will someday meet people who are more physically attractive than us. And if we are the undoubted leader in one thing, then there will always be people who will surpass you in something else. The outside world will not allow us to completely satisfy our feelings of envy.
How to stop being jealous of people
All this does not mean that this feeling cannot be gotten rid of. But in order to do this, it is necessary to direct influences on the mental mechanisms of the appearance of this feeling themselves, and not on the objects of the external world that supposedly cause this feeling. After all, the reasons for all your emotions and desires lie within you. I hope this article will help you overcome these reasons. I'll tell you how you need to work on yourself to achieve this.
1. Don't feed your envy
Many people, when they begin to envy, instinctively try to stop envy in the following way. For example, they are offended by the fact that their neighbor has more money than them. To cope with this feeling, they begin to think: “So what if he is richer? But I’m smarter, I received a better education, and my wife, although not as beautiful, is younger than his.”
Such arguments cool down envy a little and allow you to feel like a more worthy and developed person than your neighbor, whose wealth probably came from dishonest means.
This is the natural train of thought of a person experiencing envy. Many psychological articles give advice along the same lines: “Think about your strengths and good qualities. Find what you are better at than other people!”
Also, such sources recommend looking for what is hidden behind the external well-being of the object of envy, suggesting that you pacify your envy by thinking that the people you envy may not be as good as they seem from the outside.
Perhaps your neighbor's wealth is not easy to come by, he has to invest a lot of effort and, most likely, he does not even have time to spend all this money. And his wife, perhaps, has the character of a bitch and takes out all her anger on her neighbor when he returns from tiring work.
In my opinion, such advice does not serve the purpose of eliminating envy, although it would seem to correspond to common sense considerations. Why do I think this?
Because when you try to cope with your envy in a similar way, you continue to indulge it, feed it. After all, you don’t make this “demon” of envy shut up. Instead, you politely reassure him with a feeling of your own superiority over others or with the knowledge that everything is not as good for strangers as it seems. Is this how you can defeat this “demon”? After all, he will gratefully swallow these arguments, but he will become full only for a while!
It’s the same as throwing a hungry and angry dog a bone so that he will occupy his mouth with something and stop barking and gnawing the bars of the cage in which he sits. But he will still gnaw the bone sooner or later. She will not satisfy his appetite, but will only excite him even more! And his fangs will become sharper, sharpened on the bone.
Therefore, I believe that there is no need to feed your envy with such admonitions. This does not mean that you should consider yourself worse than others in everything. This means simply accepting what is, not wishing any people failure and not putting yourself above others.
The “demon” of envy will die only when you stop feeding it with fruits from the tree of your self-conceit.
I have to apply this principle in my life quite often. For example, I notice that my friend has a great sense of humor, much better than me. I instinctively begin to think: “but I speak and express my thoughts better than him...”. But then I interrupt myself: "Stop! No “buts”. It's just that my friend has a better sense of humor than me. This is a fact. That's all."
This calm acceptance that someone is better than you in something without any “indulgences” from your Ego requires a certain courage. But this is the only way to defeat your vice and starve the “demon” of envy.
Of course, this alone is not enough. It may not be clear to everyone how to achieve this. Next, I will try to give other tips that will help you, without unnecessary emotions, admit that you are not an ideal person and there are people who are better than you in some ways. I don't want to say that you should completely resign yourself to this and not improve your qualities. Not at all. I will also tell you in this article what self-development has to do with envy. But first things first.
2. Get rid of the sense of justice
Envy is often associated with our ideas of fairness. It seems to us that our (long-suffering) neighbor does not deserve the money he earns. You should earn this kind of money, because you are smart, educated, intelligent, not like your neighbor, who is not interested in anything other than beer and football, and you even doubt whether he graduated from school.
Due to the discrepancy between reality and your expectations, dissatisfaction and frustration are born. But it is important to understand that ideas about justice exist only in your head! You think, “actually, I should be earning more than I am.” Who do they owe it to? Or why should they? The world exists according to its own own laws, which do not always correspond to your concepts of right and wrong, fair and unfair.
This world doesn't "owe" you anything. Everything in it happens as it happens and in no other way.
When you begin to think about injustice done to you, you look at it from the perspective of those things that you do not have, but are present in someone else and are the objects of your envy. But for some reason you don’t think about the things you already have.
You ask: “Why don’t I have such an expensive car like my neighbor, where is the justice?”
But you don’t ask: “Why do I have a house and someone else doesn’t? Why can I even want this car, and some people are born disabled, with severe physical limitations and cannot even think about women or cars?”
Why don't you ask where justice is in the latter case? Do you really think that injustice is being done only to you?
That's the way the world is. It doesn't always meet our expectations. Get rid of all the “shoulds.” Accept it.
3. Wish people well
Learn to enjoy other people's successes, and don't suffer because of them. If your friend or close person achieved some success, then that’s good! This is a person close to you, to whom you probably wish well and prosperity, since you feel sympathy or love for him (otherwise he would not be your friend).
And it’s just great if this friend bought himself new apartment in Moscow or married a smart and beautiful woman. Try to be happy for him! Of course, when you try to do this, you will be met with a feeling of injustice: “Why does he have this and I don’t?”
Instead, think about the fact that at least one of you has something and that is better than if neither of you had it.
"I" and other "I"
Many human vices stem from the fact that we cling very strongly to our “I”, believing that the desires, thoughts, needs of this “I” are much more important than the needs of someone else’s “I”.
And envy also comes from this attachment. We believe that the fact that we have or do not have certain things matters much more than whether other people have those things. Technically, it makes no difference whether you or your neighbor drives an expensive SUV. It’s just that the jeep belongs to someone and someone uses it. But from within your Self, this fact takes on enormous significance. It is important for you that you have this jeep, it is you, your “I”, who gets pleasure from driving it, and not the “I” of someone else! There is nothing surprising here. It was nature that made man such that he puts his own “I” at the center of all existence.
But this does not mean that this order of things is final and unchangeable. People very rarely think about the following thing: “why is suddenly my happiness and satisfaction so much more important than the happiness and satisfaction of another person?” If they thought about this more often, then, in my opinion, they would have a chance to understand that their “I” is not the most important thing in the world, that strangers are various “I”s, each of which has something wants just like you, strives for something just like you, suffers and rejoices just like you.
And this understanding should open a person’s way to compassion and empathy, which will allow him to share someone else’s joy and better understand someone else’s suffering. This is not just some moral ideal, it is a way to stop clinging to own desires, as the most important thing in the world and to gain independence from these desires and from the fact that we cannot satisfy all desires.
How more people considers his “I” to be the most important thing in the world, the more he suffers.
Exercise:
Therefore, the next time you are seized by a fit of envy in relation to a person close to you, try to mentally put yourself in the place of this person, realize his joy and satisfaction about some great acquisition, think about what feelings he is experiencing now. Imagine how he moves into a new apartment with his family or how he travels in a spacious car that he recently purchased. Then focus on your feelings for this person, think how much you love and respect him and how glad you are for him now Fine.
In general, try to imagine the object of your envy not from the side of your dissatisfaction, but from the side of satisfaction of your friend or close relative. Go beyond your own “I” and stay at least a little in the place of the “I” of another! This is a very rewarding experience.
It is enough to do this exercise for five minutes and the fact that it is not you who is experiencing this joy will no longer matter so much to you. You can at least share it a little with another person and be happy for him.
I realize that this advice is difficult to apply to people you don't like or who are simply not close to you. But you should try to be as friendly as possible towards all people, regardless of your likes and dislikes. Life will become much easier if you can do this.
4. Give compliments
A great way to quickly get rid of a feeling of envy is to compliment the person on what you admire. This may seem terribly counter-intuitive, but it works and has an amazing immediate effect.
One day my friend told me about some events related to sports. He told a very fascinating story, but what struck me most was that he remembered to the smallest detail some features of the lives and careers of athletes; many dates and events fit into his head! I immediately thought: “Wow! I wouldn’t be able to remember that many details!” And I began to feel a familiar lump of envy inside. I have always been most envious of the fact that people are smarter than me in some way.
But instead of thinking about how bad it is, I overcame myself and smiled and said: “Listen, you have just a great memory! How can you remember so much!?”
And at that very moment I felt better, the envy went away. And I realized that in this situation everyone wins: my friend received a pleasant compliment, and I stopped worrying about the fact that he is superior to me in some things! Everyone is happy!
And since then I have constantly used this method and it has helped me out more than once, saving me from attacks of envy. Let's return again to our metaphor with the “demon” of envy, which we are trying to starve to death. Our compliment will let this demon know that we are not just depriving him of food. We simply take a piece of food that was intended for him and take it to someone else (maybe this someone is your sincere empathy, support and love) so that someone else eats it in front of the “demon”. We show him our firm intention not to submit to his whims, but to act in the opposite way.
Even if your compliment is not sincere, even if it is said forcefully, it will still lead you to a good result. Just try it! Action can give rise to emotions, and not just the other way around!
It happens that envy appears for the reason that other people's successes and merits remind us of our own imperfections and shortcomings. Compared to other people, we begin to seem like losers, weak people, and this causes an acute feeling of dissatisfaction with ourselves and envy.
But even if we are indeed worse than others in some ways, this does not mean that this will always be the case! It is from the belief that our personality cannot change and go beyond our innate abilities that it forms many vices: painful conceit, intolerance to failure, rejection of criticism and envy.
A person with such an attitude, instead of developing, directs all his efforts to prove that he is better, smarter than others from birth. Prove, first of all, to yourself. But reality will not always echo his expectations, causing acute disappointment and rejection.
We can develop the qualities in ourselves that we envy when we see other people.
After all, if we think about our qualities in this way, then there will be fewer reasons for envy, because the unfavorable verdicts that we make to ourselves, comparing ourselves with other people, will not be final! We will stop focusing on our supposedly unchangeable imperfection, which is most clearly manifested against the backdrop of the merits of others, and we will strive to change. We can become better and get closer to what we envy so much.
Of course, the idea that we can become as smart (or rich) as our friend if we put in the effort and develop our brain (or learn to make money) can inspire a person and help him cope with feelings of envy of a friend.
But, nevertheless, you should not completely convert envy into motivation for development. After all, if we develop only in order to become better than some people, then we will suffer the notorious disappointment. Firstly, someone will still be better than us. Secondly, we still won’t be able to develop some qualities much. No matter how much we want it, we can't get the looks of a Hollywood actor. Third, our expectations and hopes will not always be realized. Even with titanic efforts, we may not achieve what we so desired.
Therefore, on the one hand, you should develop your qualities because it will help you become better and happier, and not in order to feed your pride. On the other hand, you need to accept yourself as you are, especially where you cannot change yourself and be prepared for the fact that your plans will not come true. It's a delicate balance between the desire to develop, become better, self-acceptance and readiness for anything. If you find this balance, you will become much happier and less jealous of other people.
6. Be prepared to take responsibility for the path you choose
Each person chooses his own path. This choice does not necessarily happen only once in a lifetime. This path is like a forked road, with forks occurring frequently. Different paths have different benefits. And the advantages that exist on one path may not exist on another.
Therefore, there is no need to compare your path with the path of another person, because you yourself made your choice, and the other person also made their choice.
If your used car with a rumbling engine is overtaken on the highway by a huge, shiny SUV, driving which you recognize someone you know, then know that this person is following his own path, different from yours.
Maybe at one time you relied on freedom from daily work, large number time that you can devote to yourself or your family, and not to making money. Whereas the man in the jeep decided that he would spend a lot of time at work constantly thinking about how to earn more. He took risks, strived for more and as a result of his efforts he was able to afford to buy this jeep.
Everyone chose their own and received what was due to their choice, you - freedom and personal life, someone else - money.
But the choice is not always conscious. Maybe your friend with an expensive car at one time chose the opportunity to work for his future, get a good education and work. And at the same time, you preferred momentary pleasure to your future: you skipped classes at the institute, went for walks, drank and had fun. And this is also a choice, although you might not be aware of it.
Therefore, be prepared to bear responsibility for the consequences of your choices. This is your path and you choose it yourself. And by the way, you can always change it. Then what can you be jealous of?
But if, say, you and your friend initially chose the same thing: education, then work and money, but the result is different for each of you: you drive a junk car, and he drives a beautiful jeep. You work as much as he does, but do not get significant results. What to do in this case? And here we come again to the concept of justice.
What determines your path?
You can accept that your path is determined not only by your choice, but also by the direction of the road, obstacles on your course, and the length of your legs. That is, it depends on random circumstances, luck, your abilities, meetings with other people along the way, etc.
If this is so, then everything falls into place. It turns out that no two paths can be the same, every path is unique. And the result of this path was formed under the influence of many, many factors, that is, this result cannot be called accidental. It existed within the framework of cause-and-effect relationships, which determined the final result. That is, everything happened the way it should have happened and no other way. Maybe this is real justice, which lies in the fact that everything happens in accordance with some order incomprehensible to man? (I'm not talking about karma or anything like that, I'm just talking about cause-and-effect relationships that we can't comprehend with our minds.)
I understand that I went into philosophy, but I want to say that all these arguments can be applied in life. Understand that the fact that you are driving an old car did not just happen. This result was prepared by many events in your life, destinies were involved in it different people. This was your path.
Even if you couldn’t always make your choice and decide where to move, but what happened, happened. That's life.
7. Think about the value of what you envy.
In fact, many of the things people envy are not worth envying. Do you really think that a person who has an expensive villa and a yacht is significantly happier than you just because he has these things? No, that's not true. A person gets used to everything and what seems to you a source of happiness until you possess it, ceases to be such, as soon as you achieve it. Man is designed in such a way that success and achievement bring only short-term satisfaction. This self-deception occurs due to the work of the neurotransmitter dopamine.
Whatever a person strives for, he does not achieve the happiness that his imagination promises him.
Therefore, in principle, there are no such material things that are worth envying at all. Since there is actually no significant difference between whether you have them or not. I understand that this statement seems very controversial to some, but if you think about it, it’s true. Remember your childhood, were you more unhappy then than now, due to the fact that you did not have the attributes of adult life (car, money, etc.)? And when you got these things, did you become any happier than before?
I don't think so. But what can be said not about material things, but about some personal qualities. Intelligence, beauty, charisma, etc. In fact, these qualities, just like material things, also do not make people happier (at least not always). They can form a short-term contentment, fleeting pleasure, but one cannot say that a handsome and intelligent person is happy all the time just because he is like that! He gets used to these attributes as well as to a yacht or a car! Moreover, beauty (and intelligence too) are not eternal. Someday they will begin to fade. And then the one who was attached to these things will feel acute dissatisfaction and even suffering!
Therefore, there are practically no things to be envious of. Because many of them do not bring the expected happiness! In principle, it doesn’t really matter whether a person is smart or stupid, beautiful or ugly. By and large, everyone has similar fates: from a billionaire to a beggar, from a top model to a seasoned housewife. After all, it cannot be said that one of them is much happier than the other.
This is a rather strange statement for an article on a site dedicated to self-development. “Why develop if it makes no difference what happens in the end?” - You ask. I must answer this that, firstly, I never thought about self-development for the sake of self-development. I considered all the qualities that need to be developed only from the perspective of the possibility of achieving happiness, as tools of this happiness, and not an end in itself. Secondly, I don’t want to say that there is no difference at all between whether you are smart or stupid, rich or poor. You just don’t need to get attached to these things and believe that the one who possesses them certainly rests on some happy Olympus and therefore these are the things you lack for happiness.
Why did I take happiness as what determines the peculiarity of human destiny? Because all people, consciously or not, strive for happiness. But most of them choose the wrong path and, even having achieved fabulous wealth and power, do not come there.
Conclusion. Envy prevents us from learning from other people
Why is envy considered such a great vice? I already said at the beginning that it does not bring any benefit, but only suffering. It prevents us from sharing their joy with other people. But there is another reason. Envy prevents us from learning from other people. Instead of looking at their merits and merits and striving for them, we silently suffer because of envy, secretly wishing for these people to fail.
The peculiarity of negative emotions is such that they force a person to become fixated on themselves, depriving his mind of mobility and choice: such a person can only think about one thing. But openness, sincerity, respect and empathy give our minds more freedom. And he gets the opportunity to learn something new.
If you stop being envious, then the other person’s world will no longer be an object for comparison, but will become an open book from which you can extract a lot of useful things for yourself. By freeing your mind from envy, you will be able to understand other people more deeply.
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I hope my advice will help you overcome envy. But if you are still caught off guard by this feeling, remember that it is just a feeling that you do not have to obey. Stop suffering because of the thoughts that this feeling communicates to you. Just relax and observe this feeling from the outside without any thoughts. This always helps! published
One of the seven deadly sins, which means a long-known human vice that eats people from the inside at all times and in all countries, is envy. Someone boasts that he is not under her control, knowing that he keeps her in his heart, another calls her “white”, trying to whiten his own name. One way or another, perhaps everyone has experienced at least minor envy at least once in their life. We are not all saints. But this is wrong, especially if it develops into a constantly experienced feeling. So how do you get rid of this? How to stop being jealous?
What is this?
Envy is dissatisfaction with other people's successes. This is the feeling that gnaws at your heart if your neighbor bought an expensive car and your friend has a new boyfriend. If an unwanted colleague was appointed to lead the project instead of us, or a distant relative goes abroad, but we don’t! All this is defined precisely by the word “envy”.
People say that a person is interested in someone else's life only when he does not have his own. They also claim that the neighbor’s sun is always brighter and the grass is greener. All this suggests that it is not for nothing that envy was dubbed a mortal sin long before our century, and it was known even in the times of paganism, since it was preserved in proverbs. In addition, there are also quotes about envy. And they have also been known for a long time. Religions even provide prayer for envy. However, this does not explain why people are jealous at all.
Who is worse off from this?
Envy is a very sad feeling. After all, in fact, the only thing worse from it is the envious person himself, who only “spits poison” at everyone, and even then it is mostly harmless. Because he only poisons his own life, he suffers, sometimes he complains, but this is not something that usually evokes sympathy from those around him.
The problem comes from childhood
Many people have a bad habit of comparing themselves, their lives and everything else with others. Why? Do people envy because they compare or do they compare because they are jealous? It's worth looking into this.
The subconscious perception of “me and others” is laid down in childhood. Unfortunately, too many parents try to accustom their children to, in general, good things, using not very good ones for this. good methods. They say: “Look how cute Kristinochka is, that’s how it should be!” or “Study like Masha,” or “You see, Petya plays sports, and you... Eh.” And the child is faced with the problem of what he cannot do like someone else, because he is him, but the parents are not satisfied with this.
So a child grows up with the constant thought that the other, no matter who he is, is obviously better. And he begins to envy those who do not have the shortcomings that his mother and father reproached him with.
Psychological theories
Following Jung, by the way, there is a certain meaning in such actions of parents. The famous psychologist believed that envy can awaken in a person a thirst for new achievements, turning shortcomings into advantages. They say that an introverted child grows up to be a famous politician; poor health is sometimes a catalyst for playing sports and winning in this field. Carl Jung argued that everyone famous people there was some drawback. Maybe it is so, let’s say, in some cases this will tip the scales towards something good. But for the most part, unfortunately, it turns out exactly the opposite. At a minimum, because children do not have a mature enough personality to be able to control their vices.
Pathological envy
A perpetually envious child will inevitably turn into a perpetually envious adult. And he will suddenly have much more reasons for this feeling. Any phrase from another person is boasting, and any success is a reason to be angry, because “Well, everything is different as always!”
Therefore, just the thought of how to stop being envious is already the first step towards victory over your vice. After all, many are not even going to correct themselves, and this is very sad.
Black and white envy
"I envy you with white envy!" - says a friend, pursing her lips and raising her nose too high. Why is this so? There is only one answer: because there is no such thing as white envy.
Any feeling of annoyance that arises at the mention of other people's successes is defined as envy. And it’s better not to deceive yourself that your low mood at the sight of your friend losing weight is just a coincidence. Yes, they say “they envy in silence,” but hiding a vice does not mean getting rid of it. And, in the end, only sincere joy for the victories of family and friends is a real absence of sin on your part, without any admixtures of black and white envy.
Competition
In economics there is the concept of pure competition. Without going into details, we can describe it as a perfect model of this phenomenon. It also applies to real life. Healthy competition allows you to improve and keep yourself in good shape in order not to lose to your opponent. The point is that this should not become a meaning, but simply be a kind of motivator assistant.
If competition reaches the peak where it becomes envy, you can no longer expect help from it - only harm. For example, its motivating effect will definitely no longer be felt. It’s a fact: envious people do little to get what they want, they just envy in silence!
A separate type: envy of other people's talents
Why is it necessary to make this a special point? Let's start with the fact that talent is a gift from above. And talented people are born this way, whether they use this gift or not, develop it or bury it in the sand. An exceptional version of this phenomenon - genius - is a very rare event. Therefore, envy of someone else's talent obviously only destroys the envier from within.
Heightened sense of justice
This is what those who believe that another person has received their benefit undeservedly like to call envy. And they are completely wrong. Fairness is when you told the cashier that he gave more change than he was supposed to. Or when he divided something equally among everyone. And if someone else’s property does not allow you to sleep peacefully, this is no longer justice. This is undisguised envy.
"I'm a little jealous"
It’s worth remembering once and for all - you won’t be able to be “a little” jealous. Here you are either jealous or not. And if the first option, it’s better to admit it to yourself right away. Let go of the negativity. And say goodbye to this once and for all.
How to fix everything?
And here it is, the main question: “How to stop being envious?” First of all, you should recognize the problem and not expect easy ways to solve it. By the way, this applies not only to this topic, but to almost everything. For example, prayer against envy is one of the options for solving a problem for believers (Lord! Deliver me, God’s servant (name), from the influence of dark forces). Building a harmonious personality is a painstaking and important matter, and it requires a lot of diligence. You can read quotes about envy (“Envy knows no days off,” “Envy is poison for the heart,” etc.), you can take just the first step as much as you like, but you still have to go further.
No to comparisons!
Even if the problem of comparison was created a long time ago, and perhaps not even by you, unfortunately, you will have to deal with it. Stop thinking about what other people have. Others have different goods, but also different problems. And this is their life, not yours. You have been given so much - the freedom is to be specifically yourself, and not someone else. You can’t get enough of someone else’s good, and, believe me, if you had the same thing as a friend, colleague, or neighbor, you wouldn’t be happier because of it.
Ask yourself one simple question
Why be jealous? Think about this question. Does this make sense? Because, as we found out, there is absolutely no benefit from this. So is it worth wasting your life on something that only poisons it? Isn't it easier to let go of this vice and allow yourself to enjoy the fact that you live on this earth?
Give up your pride
One sin leads to another. Envy is inextricably linked with pride. Thinking that you are better than others is just as bad as thinking that you are supposedly worse. Because as soon as your pride is hurt, as soon as someone buys something better, and here it is - envy, welcome, and you weren’t expecting it at all, were you?
Be humane
Envy sees other people's merits and does not see shortcomings. Take a closer look at your loved ones who, in your opinion, have perfect life. Perhaps they need help more than ever? Your ideal will inevitably slouch. Because it doesn't exist. And mutual assistance is the basis of strong friendship, while envy is its obvious enemy.
Be careful
Notice your victories just as you were vigilant towards others. Every little thing, every piece of luck - isn't this a reason to rejoice? If your diligence was enough to catch the reasons for envy, it will be enough for happiness, joy and gratitude to fate and to yourself. Don't belittle your merits. False modesty is as dangerous as arrogance. Adequate self-esteem allows you to get rid of many vices, including envy.
Turn envy to your advantage
No matter how rosy everything may sound, living by the principle “never envy” is not that difficult, but rather impossible. In this sense, the well-known aphorism “Never say never” is suitable for the topic. Therefore, you can extract the best from this vice. Perhaps you are jealous because you really want exactly this, but still haven’t dared to take action? Get started today, right now. Start with at least an idea of how you will do it - all great achievements began with ideas. But don't let envy drag you into the abyss of idleness and self-oppression; it deserves to be benefited from and then thrown away.
You can't have everything
The fact that it is impossible to have everything can sound very sad until you realize that you don’t need everything. You must know who you are. What you want, what you have achieved and will still achieve. Why do you do what you do. And then it won’t even occur to you to envy someone else’s happiness. Who said someone's light is better than your darkness? After all, for you it is brighter than a thousand other people’s suns!
Learn to trust yourself
Only within yourself can you find what you personally need. People are afraid to trust the voice of their minds because they believe that others know better. Or they don’t count, but bend under this pressure. Be stronger than public opinion, go your own way, no matter what or no one.
Consequences
Some people will never even think about how to stop being envious because they will not see any reason to do so. Pathologically unhappy people, driven into a dead end by their vice, who began to be proud of it, are a model of people in need of help. Saying that envy is bad will no longer be a sufficient argument in favor of change.
The main consequence of envy is unfulfilled dreams and buried talents. You cannot achieve your happiness if you follow someone else's path. Or, worse, don't go at all, just watch others pick from the tree best fruits and maliciously envy why they are taller than you.
Envy is the enemy of harmony. Harmony is the key to happiness. Do not deprive yourself of it voluntarily. Ultimately, everyone deserves it. You are no worse and no better than others.
In conclusion
Don't blame yourself for being jealous. Don't reproach yourself for your vices in principle. But don't let them control you either. They are yours, not you are theirs.
Envy is unlikely to disappear from the world, as well as the other six sins that accompany it. They walk hand in hand, ready to embrace everyone. But let them pass by and forgive us our happiness.
Dear readers of the site In Your Home! Today we will talk about feelings that are contradictory and unkind. It arises when looking at the well-being of others, suppresses and destroys the personality. This feeling is called envy, and almost everyone has experienced it at least once. Losing control over emotions, the envious person becomes aggressive, provokes conflicts with others and worries himself. As the German proverb says, he who envyes always suffers. I will tell you how to get rid of envy and perceive the successes of others without negativity.
Of course, not everyone has this difficult feeling. On the contrary, a self-confident person is motivated by the success and well-being of others to new achievements. It is precisely such self-sufficient, bright personalities who are most envied.
Creative, active and successful people do not understand that it is possible to think differently, and generously share their plans and ideas with others, provoking a wave of black envy. After all, unfortunately, there are always those who cannot adequately perceive such information. And on this “fertile” soil such dubious fruits ripen as anger, gossip, intrigue and the desire to harm the irritant object.
To learn not to envy, psychologists advise first understanding the causes of negative emotions.
Here are some of them.
- Personal failures that long time destroy a person from the inside. You give up, there is a feeling of hopelessness and reluctance to do anything.
- Dissatisfaction with the state of affairs, a tendency to laziness and reluctance to change the usual way of life. Degrading, a person tries to justify himself by coming up with reasons that are non-existent or important only in his understanding, why nothing works out for him.
- The need for material goods or emotional hunger in relationships.
- Lack of personal achievements, career and personal growth, low self-esteem.
- Strong envy is caused by such a character trait as greed. Without experiencing satisfaction from owning what they already have, a selfish person strives to get more and more, experiencing negative emotions towards those who are richer and more successful.
Against the background of a depressed state and anger, both at oneself and at the injustice of fate, a desire appears to justify one’s weakness. Often the culprit is the more successful person whose life seems good. This is caused by an incomplete perception of the world and is considered a cognitive error, because the envious person does not take into account the amount of effort, time and money spent by the one who has achieved more.
Negative Impact
Envy is recognized as a vice in many cultures, because those driven by it are capable of terrible acts. Dissatisfaction forces one to step over moral principles. But the whole point is that a person cannot pull himself together and gets fixated on negative emotions. They continue to eat him from the inside and distort his perception of the world.
An envious person, more than anything else, wants to harm someone who so “unfairly” got what he wanted, and his life turns into a nightmare. Sometimes it comes to the point that people turn to sorcerers and witches, paying huge sums of money to send damage or curse the “enemy”. But is it worth it? Isn't it easier to relax and live, calmly achieving your goals? And then, perhaps, they will begin to envy your success?
Distorted thinking is constantly looking for new victims and objects of envy, and all you need to do is stop comparing yourself to others and start enjoying your achievements.
How to stop being jealous of people
Just stop being envious and get rid of this harmful feeling forever is not so difficult. The main thing is to start living your life, enjoying new achievements. Let kindness into your heart and praise yourself more often, even in small things. I coped with depression and put things in order at home - I’m great, I had successful negotiations at work - I’m cool. If you take a closer look at your life, you will find many things for which you should praise yourself. It would be a good idea to read the article on how to get rid of aggression. Balanced people tend to focus on their lives and affairs and try to avoid conflict.
Try to look at your life, environment and achievements from the outside. You probably have something to be proud of. Feeling joy and gratitude for what you already have is the first step to getting rid of negative thinking. And if you still think that you are the most unhappy person in the world, believe in the best. There are always light and dark stripes in life. Remember the story about two frogs falling into a jug of cream. One did not fight and sank, and the second continued to fight, whipped butter with its paws, got out and galloped about its business.
If you still cannot look at life with optimism, it may well be that you have developed depression, the beginning of which is easy to miss. However, in our enlightened times, we are successfully fighting this scourge. Doctors have long developed simple and very useful recommendations, which will tell you how to get out of depression without medication.
Leave the search for justice
The discrepancy between expectations and reality often causes frustration and dissatisfaction. It is important to understand a simple truth - the world is as it is and exists according to its own laws. They don't have to meet your expectations. The more you extol yourself and your Self, the more difficult it will be for you to understand others and come to terms with other people's successes.
Stop criticizing
By criticizing other people, we unconsciously inflate ourselves in our own eyes, and criticism is often unconstructive. It’s just that the person did not act as we ourselves would have acted, and we are already judging and even condemning someone. But you just need to remember the ancient wisdom: “Judge not, lest you be judged.”
If you have to criticize someone at work, try to do it in light of your colleague's success, even if you secretly envy him. And at the same time, analyze why he acted this way or that way. Perhaps he is right, and it is you who are wrong. Maybe you will understand the secret of his success.
Improve yourself
Considering the achievements of others as a lesson, learning from them, you can achieve no less success. Learning new things (reading, traveling, meeting new people) gives intellectual satisfaction, opens up new horizons and evokes a lot of positive emotions that will leave no room for envy in your heart.
Motivate yourself
The best way to prevent an outburst of negativity is to learn to admire other people's achievements. Praise the person who has achieved more than you, because he deserves it. By his example, he taught you a lesson, helped you look at your personal potential from the outside, and based on this you were able to set new goals for yourself.
Don't feed envy
Often reading the advice of psychologists, you can come across the phrase that looking for advantages in your own life helps you get rid of envy. For example: “Even if everything worked out for someone else, my health is good.” In my opinion, this sometimes works to the detriment. This is how you calm yourself down. You can stop envying only if you accept the truth that other people can really have something that you don’t have, be more prosperous, and you can’t change anything.
Put yourself in someone else's shoes
If the previous tips cause internal contradictions, try to look at the life of the object of envy from the other side. Put yourself in his shoes. Is everything really as smooth as you think? By comparing yourself, you will find that, despite overall well-being, a person in some areas life goes on on victims. Think about it: would you like to live in such conditions?
Signs that someone is jealous of you
If you are someone who does not envy other people, this does not guarantee that these emotions are not felt towards you. Everyone is surrounded by subjects who try to touch upon or touch upon a sore subject. They often joke provocatively and do not always follow their words. This is associated with ignorance or curiosity, but also indicates envy towards you. Superstitious people believe that strong envy can cause the evil eye by breaking through the energy shell.
You can identify an envious person by the following signs:
- manifestation of insincerity in facial expressions;
- excessive expression of emotions;
- stiffness and tension of gestures.
There are often situations when relatives or friends become hostages of this vicious feeling.
How to protect yourself from envy
There is no magic advice that will tell you what to do so that people stop envying you. Some people try to pretend that everything in their life is much worse than it really is. In their opinion, this way they will protect themselves from the evil eye. Others do not pay attention to ill-wishers, continuing to live their lives. There are many examples on YouTube videos of how to behave in such situations.
There is a list of rules by adhering to which you can avoid the impact of negative outbursts addressed to you and always be on a wave of positivity.
- Don't show your superiority over others. An intelligent person knows about his intelligence without boasting, a rich person knows about his wealth, etc. By deliberately demonstrating your intellectual abilities or position in society, you can quickly attract envious glances. Remember the Buddhist wisdom: “Do not overestimate what you have received and do not envy others. He who envyes does not find peace.”
- Maintain a sense of tact when communicating with people: the less negativity and witticism you make towards your interlocutor, the friendlier the relationship will be.
- Never make excuses for what you have, because you lower yourself in the eyes of others. Envious people often tell non-existent stories in order to attract interest and see the reaction of the “victim”. Don't let them feel triumphant, just change the topic of conversation, cutting off the unpleasant conversation in the bud.
- Be friendly, be considerate, and give compliments. This is not about flattery or overacting. Try to find positive traits in every person you know and focus on them.
Conclusion
Don't get hung up on manifestations of envy. This is just an emotion that requires work on yourself and proper prioritization. Each of us must learn from any life situations. I advise you to forgive your envious people and wish them well, because it is very difficult to live with envy in your heart.