Sooner or later, the wife will cheat on her husband. Unlike men, a woman rarely does this simply on occasion or after having too much alcohol. More often than not, alcohol or chance turn out to be just reasons to realize what is brewing in the girl’s head. In other words, just like an orgasm, female infidelity initially happens in the head.
So what becomes the true reasons for the betrayal of those who are described in folklore as “the wise and loving keeper of the hearth”?
Reason one - bad sex with a partner
There is a stereotype that this woman can be a log in bed, that this woman can be shy, constrained or inexperienced. That the missionary position is enough for wives and absolute darkness is desirable. In fact, everything is not so, because Marilyn Monroe noticed that husbands, as a rule, are good in bed only when they cheat on their wives. According to Judith McKay, a doctor of sexology, disappointment with a partner's skills and preferences is one of the main reasons for female infidelity. And in this case, female infidelity is exclusively physical in nature. And, if in all other aspects the husband is satisfied with his wife, then divorce will be unlikely. As men say, “It’s only sex, baby.”
Reason two - husband and wife change roles
Families in which the husband is an ordinary specialist, and the wife is a big boss or businesswoman, are no longer uncommon today. And in such relationships, a woman often becomes a leader not only at work. At home, she continues to lead and “steer.” This also carries over into the bedroom. But often in her soul, she lacks masculine strength on the part of her partner. This often pushes a strong woman into the arms of an even stronger man. This could be a business partner, a city official, or even a business competitor. The chances that this connection will go beyond sex and develop into a relationship are significantly greater than in the first case.
Reason three - lack of attention from the husband
The classic scheme in which the husband is a busy person who provides for the family and disappears at meetings, presentations or on business trips. At the same time, the wife gradually begins to feel lonely, forgotten, abandoned. Moreover, the real state of affairs does not affect the situation in any way. It is likely that the husband is actually trying his best and, while providing for the family, really works hard and does not even cheat on his lunch break.
But it will be easy for a woman to accumulate dissatisfaction from forced loneliness and complain that her husband has stopped loving her. Cheating on your wife in this case is very likely. Thus, she will subconsciously prove to herself, and indirectly to her husband, that she is desired, loved, not forgotten and loved. By the way, perhaps it is for this reason that most jokes about betrayal begin with the phrase: “my husband returns from a business trip...”
In this case, a woman most often chooses a former classmate/classmate/neighbor as an object for betrayal. That is, a person who knew her former self - joyful, cheerful and beautiful. Not burdened with family and everyday life. According to University of Virginia professor Jeffrey Rossman, the chances of such betrayal developing into a relationship are very high. Firstly, a woman can play with feelings that flare up with renewed vigor, and secondly, an offended husband will not be able to forgive his wife who is “mad with fat.”
Reason four - revenge on her husband
In a situation where “he started it first,” that is, the husband cheated on his wife, the wife can take a retaliatory step without much hesitation. Moreover, according to the famous American psychologist Daniel Gilbert, such betrayal can even lead to divorce. Firstly, a woman can really feel permissiveness and impunity. Secondly, betrayal on the part of a woman in this case will occur only under the pretext of revenge. In fact, she could have long dreamed of “going left.” There was simply no reason. And thirdly, having experienced betrayal and betrayed herself, a woman may begin to feel disgusted with her husband. And further relationships will no longer be possible. It’s not for nothing that a joke is so popular among women that there is no such thing as female infidelity! Either this is revenge for male betrayal, or “my new love.”
Reason five - I deserve better
According to experts, this is the most inexplicable, but also the most common reason for female infidelity.
This reason includes almost all of the above. The woman is not happy with her husband, who she thinks is like the well-known suitcase without a handle. For some reason she can't leave him. Probably lacks courage or determination. But it’s hard to bear it, because everything is not the way she wants, and she doesn’t want/can’t/doesn’t know how to actively work on the relationship.
Such a wife in her soul does not really consider herself unfree. For her, marriage is just a status. Therefore, even if she cheats, she will not feel much guilt. Breaking up the relationship in this case can be the most the best option. On this occasion, La Rochefoucauld very accurately spoke out that fidelity, which can be maintained only at the cost of enormous efforts, is no better than treason. By stopping spoiling the life of herself and her man, a girl will really be able to understand what exactly she would like to get in life. Or, after reassessing values, he will understand that the lost relationship was actually not so bad.
Having examined the most common reasons for female infidelity, it can be noted that they are based on nothing more than the inability or unwillingness to eliminate these very reasons. After all, you can tell an inept husband about your sexual preferences. The lack of attention can be compensated by an interesting hobby or your own startup. Cheating on a husband can be forgiven or made a reason for divorce, but not mutual infidelity. And the attitude “I deserve better” can be translated into a real transformation of your spouse, bringing him closer to your ideal man through your own efforts. In a word, betrayal, although the shortest path to temporary pleasure, does not at all lead to marital happiness.
Instructions
The most common reason for going left is boredom. After several years of family life, everything repeats itself, every day is similar to the previous one. There are no longer bright feelings, they have dulled, there are no surprises, since everything about the partner is familiar. And this causes a feeling of hopelessness. In such a family, both a man and a woman can change. Often they do not seek to destroy the union, but simply want to brighten up their lives a little. Cheating sometimes even helps to unite the family, because after this the partner feels guilty and shows more love for loved ones.
Lack of love is the second most popular reason for divorce. This can manifest itself in different ways, for example, a life partner is too keen on work or children, he does not have enough strength for his loved one when he really needs support and understanding. If there is no mutual pastime, and declarations of love have replaced reproaches and demands, the likelihood of adultery increases greatly. And often these are not casual affairs, but serious romances that can lead to unpredictable consequences.
Cheating can be an accident. Representatives of the stronger sex often find themselves in such situations, when alcohol and a pleasant atmosphere simply encourage relaxation. And if at this moment a beautiful stranger appears, he may succumb to her charms. The next day, even her face will become a mystery to him, but the fact of betrayal will remain. This is called an accident due to external circumstances. Usually they don't tell anyone about such things.
Refusal of intimacy by one spouse can also push the other to cheat. Some women try to manipulate their partner by denying him intimate contact. At first this can be very effective, but after a while the spouse will begin to look at other women. It turns out that the wife herself pushes him into her arms. Of course, it also happens the other way around, when a man refuses to fulfill his marital duties, and his companion seeks pleasure, but such options happen much less frequently.
Treason for revenge is also a common occurrence. If one spouse begins to cheat, the other may also decide to try a similar method of relaxation. This is how they take revenge for insults, for the inability to get what they want, or for mutual reproaches. Each act on the side becomes a moment of revenge, which, perhaps, no one will know about, but the inner pride will be satisfied.
And then there are people who simply cannot live with just one partner. They always need variety, experiments and unusual sensations. They never stop looking for something new, and the passion for love adventures is in their blood. When meeting such a person, it is already clear that you should not expect fidelity, so in a relationship with him you will have to turn a blind eye to many things.
How to understand reasons for betrayal? In fact, cheating is quite common, and many of us have encountered this phenomenon in our lives. How to survive betrayal when you feel very strong internal pain, you get the feeling that the world is being destroyed into small particles, and there is no way to fix anything. At the moment of this anxiety and pain, people can do all sorts of things, settle scores, sort things out, understand the situation. And this is very natural: we all want to be free from pain as soon as possible, and we decide what to do next. And basically this decision will be to end the relationship. Still, psychologists who take on the issues of the psychology of betrayal recommend not to make any hasty movements at the moment of passion, but to get qualified psychological assistance on psychologist consultations. It will probably take a maximum of time until a person can calm down and wisely find a solution on what to do.
What are the reasons for betrayal?
There can be quite a few ways out of this difficult situation, and breaking the relationship is not the only way. To figure out what happened and draw the right conclusion, you need to bring yourself to a state of inner peace, which is, of course, very difficult. Talking with a psychologist can help here; he should understand the problems of the psychology of betrayal, work, and so on. Having gained mental balance, you can try to look at the situation wisely. There are various reasons for cheating. Let's try to name some of them.
Faded love. In this case, you need to clarify your own relationship with your partner and have the courage to quietly leave your relationship. Most likely, your partner simply did not have the courage to tell you the truth, but you can only blame him for this, and not for his lack of feelings
Reasons for betrayal may be in a problematic relationship. A problem in a relationship does not mean that love has left you. On the contrary, this betrayal communicates that the partner is going to solve the problem and return love using such a simple method. For example, if a husband feels that his wife has become further away from him, he may have an unexpected attraction to his secretary. But the core of this attraction is not feelings for the secretary, but an effort to overcome one’s sense of frustration. That is, by not expressing complaints to his wife, a person, without realizing it, corrects the situation by means of betrayal. As a result, psychologists often say that cheating can sometimes be a relationship stabilizer. Often people who have survived betrayal later remember it as a good lesson that taught them to look at their partner sensitively, with great understanding, compassion, and condescension.
The reasons for betrayal are personal problems.
Reasons for betrayal– these are always internal problems. There are a huge number of possible reasons. For example, a person is not ready for a serious relationship. As soon as such a person feels the relationship with his partner switching to another level, inner horror pushes him to cheat. Although the person himself suffers terribly from this. After all, part of him strives for a serious relationship, and the other part is very afraid and pushes the person to the surface.
Another spiritual problem may be indecision in oneself. Often, with the help of a considerable number of sexual relations, a person raises his self-esteem, confirms to himself and the whole Universe that he is a tough man or a tough woman, that he is a Conqueror and Ruler. But although self-doubt is a mental problem and it cannot be solved by this method. The person remains as before with indecision and dissatisfaction.
Another problem is all kinds of stereotypes and self-doubt. A very popular stereotype is that a true man must certainly have not only a wife, but also a mistress. Or, as they usually say, devotion to one partner causes some dependence on him, and therefore a person comes up with methods to avoid it.
Getting rid of the cause of betrayal.
There are other reasons, but in every case, not in all circumstances, it is advisable to react with an absolute break. If a person at the time of betrayal is driven by his spiritual problems, then, with the correct and qualified resolution of these problems (with the help of a psychologist, if he deals with the psychology of betrayal), it would not be difficult to return the old relationship and build a more complete and open relationship. In this case, if they are expensive. Perhaps an adoring partner, faced with the fact of betrayal, should try to look at the situation differently? Understand that betrayal is, in general, only a signal and if you understand it correctly, then you can not break it, refresh it, and improve the relationship. As a result, betrayal can become not only the end, but also the beginning, and we need to decide how it ends.
Arkady Davidovich
Adultery has always been considered a great sin because it causes great pain and suffering to the partner and often leads to the breakdown of the marriage. This often affects children who perceive their parents’ divorce very painfully. In addition, even if the marriage does not break up, betrayal kills the trust of the spouses in each other, which negatively affects their future life together. Therefore, betrayal is condemned in any society. But despite her condemnation, people, both men and women, have both cheated and continue to cheat on each other. We will talk about why this happens and what to do if your partner, in our case a woman, cheated on you, in this article.
Cheating on a woman is always a strong blow to a man’s self-esteem. For most men, after such an act by a woman, self-esteem immediately drops, performance and activity decrease. However, female infidelity has a number of negative consequences and for the woman herself, which she often does not think about when she decides to cheat. First of all, this is a very bad reputation that a woman acquires in the eyes of men by cheating on her man, her husband. Also, by her action, she relieves the man of many obligations to her. For example, she relieves a man of the need to be faithful to her and take care of her in the way that he could do if he knew that she was faithful to him. Of course, in different cases, different men have different attitudes towards their woman’s betrayal, but most often this attitude is extremely negative. Therefore, her betrayal can have the most unfavorable effect on a woman’s future life. Meanwhile, to men who are faced with female infidelity, I recommend staying calm and looking for new opportunities in what happened, which, believe me, will help you greatly change your life in better side. Yes, yes, for the better. So if your wife, girlfriend, or girlfriend cheated on you, you don’t have to suffer or torment yourself. This action has its own positive aspects, and I will tell you about them.
So, your woman, wife, girlfriend, girlfriend has cheated on you. And now you want to understand what happened? Your thoughts are confused, cats are scratching at your soul, you cannot find a place for yourself, you are overwhelmed by a variety of negative feelings. All this prevents you from looking at what happened with a calm, reasonable eye in order to decide what you should do next. And what happened is what I believe should have happened - your woman showed you what she is capable of. It doesn’t matter what prompted a woman to cheat, below I will explain why women cheat, what pushes them to it. The important thing is that your woman cannot resist her desire to enjoy a relationship with another man in order to remain faithful to you. And in some cases, she doesn’t even want it. It shows you what kind of woman you are. And it’s time for you to ask yourself: how suitable is it for you? And speaking even more fundamentally, you need to think about whether you deserve more, or do you have the kind of woman you yourself match? I'm not saying that you are a bad man who deserves to be cheated on. No way. I just encourage you to think about your own merits and disadvantages and compare them with the strengths and weaknesses of your woman. This will allow you to make a more informed decision on what you should do - forgive a woman for cheating, or abandon her.
In general, I believe that female infidelity should be treated philosophically. If a woman cheated on you, your wife is a reason for you to think about your life, and perhaps change something in it. What you should change in it depends on what you want from life. If your goal is to create a strong, friendly, reliable and prosperous family in which the spouses will be devoted to each other, then in this case, of course, you need a reliable partner - a reliable woman whom you can trust. Therefore, if your wife is not capable of fidelity, you should separate from her. Don't demand from a person what he is not capable of - just replace him. And if your whole life is a constant pursuit of pleasure, if family values are alien to you, and you yourself are prone to cheating, then think about whether you should worry about your wife’s cheating at all? Think about what you want from life, and it may turn out that a woman's devotion is not so important to you. She cheated on you, but you, in turn, can also live a freer and fuller life, without any obligations to her.
Let's now find out why women cheat on men? It's all about feminine nature, which gives rise to a woman's need to be desired by men. A woman needs to be loved, to be given attention, to be admired, to be cared for, and to be wanted. Therefore, a woman strives to be beautiful in order to attract the attention of men. Her task is to choose better man and have children from him. Therefore, her instinctive desires are aimed at satisfying precisely this need. If a man, by his nature, strives to impregnate as many females as possible in order to ensure the survival of his species, then a woman, in turn, strives to seduce as many men as possible in order to choose the best, most worthy of them. It's very simple. It is our nature, our instinctive needs that drive us. And only our upbringing, our beliefs and the culture we adhere to stop some of us from committing adultery. You understand that without condemnation of such actions, society cannot be stable, and our entire civilization will wallow in fornication and debauchery, thereby destroying itself. But at the same time, we should never forget what needs are hidden within us. You can introduce any punishment for treason, up to death penalty, but there will still be betrayals, because people are prone to them, both men and women. People will cheat on each other if they cannot or do not want to control their instinctual needs.
Therefore, dear men, if your woman, your wife, cheated on you, it means that she simply could not cope with her nature, she followed her instincts and gave free rein to her desires. This may not be your fault at all, so don’t blame yourself for anything. Yes, there are cases when a man himself pushes a woman to cheat with his behavior, I will not deny. Each case is individual, so I cannot speak for everyone. But you must remember that women always strive to attract the attention of men, especially if they are beautiful, confident, women without complexes. Look how many married women strive to look beautiful, and some - provocatively beautiful, in order to attract the attention of men and thus feel their importance, feel their strength. Do they all have bad husbands? No. Husbands have absolutely nothing to do with it. It’s all about the nature of a woman, who is who she is, if you don’t instill anything in a woman and don’t limit her in anything. As, indeed, men. So women will always be interested in men, even if they have husbands. And men will be interested in women, even if they have wives. Of course, there are instincts, but there is reason, which both women and men should listen to in order not to commit such actions that will cause pain and suffering to their partner. But a person is too weak to constantly control himself in everything. Therefore, in some ways he will definitely give in.
So is the betrayal of a woman, a wife, in this case, her mistake? Undoubtedly. If she loses more than she gains by following her instincts, then, of course, her betrayal is a mistake. But, first of all, this is still her weakness. This is how a man, having a wonderful, loving, beautiful wife who respects him, who is ready to do anything for him, for some reason cheats on her with some plain-looking girl, following the lead of his natural, and in everyday language, male instincts, thereby killing trust and self-respect, this is how a woman, without any logic, can follow her female instincts and cheat on her man, completely undermining her trust in herself and often thus destroying her family, and with it her happiness. This is all a manifestation of unconscious, instinctive behavior, so it is useless to look for logic here - it’s all about emotional desires that a person does not control with his mind. Or rather, from the point of view of nature, there is logic here. It lies in the desire of women to attract the attention of men, and in another case, in the desire of men to get as many women as possible. All this meets the interests of nature in terms of the reproduction of the human population. So cheating is a natural act for a person. In some ways it is wrong, immoral, ugly, but natural. If a person is too weak to control his instinctual desires, he will cheat, betray, deceive as soon as circumstances push him to do so.
And in order to understand betrayal and possibly forgive it, you need to pay attention not to others, but to your own weaknesses and secret desires and feel their strength. Perhaps you, as a man, as a highly moral person, cannot imagine sex without love, you have never cheated on your woman and therefore it is difficult for you to understand a person who might decide to cheat. In this case, pay attention to your other weaknesses - those that make you not an ideal person, not ideal man, not an ideal husband. You have them, right? I'm sure there is. Pay attention to them, feel their power, which influences your behavior and makes it imperfect, beyond the control of your mind. Feel what it’s like to be led by your emotions and feelings, doing something that, from the point of view of common sense, should not be done, but has to be done. And then, imagine that exactly the same forces act on those people who cheat on their spouses. And in particular, women can not cope with these forces and cheat on their man, without any logical reason. This will help you understand them. This will help you understand the reason for cheating, which may not affect how you feel about such acts, but at least will give you a better understanding of why people do them.
There is one more important point in female infidelity that you should know about. It concerns the woman's age and her vision of her future. The older a woman gets, the less attention men begin to pay her, and the woman feels this, and it scares her. Not every woman admits that she is afraid of getting old, not because old age itself is scary, but because she is afraid that men, including her own husband, will stop paying attention to her, will stop being interested in her, will stop want her. But this fear lives in a woman, so she is looking for opportunities to get more love and attention from life at a young age, while the demand from men for her is quite high. All these love affairs, affairs, flirting - they all make a woman’s life interesting and joyful. They make her feel alive, in demand, needed, desired. Often women do not need sex so much as they need relationships with other men, especially when their own husbands pay practically no attention to them. They need the attention of a man, they want to be looked after, to be loved, to be wanted. And sex often occurs on the initiative of a man, because it is they who need it more, while a woman needs emotions and feelings more. And the woman gives in - she cheats because she wants not only to take from a man what she needs, but also to give him something in return. At the same time, she can love her husband and her family, but emotions, feelings, instincts are sometimes very difficult for people to cope with.
I do not justify women who cheated on their husbands, I just want to say that in each individual case, a woman can be understood. Perhaps she cannot be forgiven, and you, dear men, are not obliged to do so. But you can understand a woman. So it is not only the desire to have pleasure, but also fear that pushes a woman to cheat. Put yourself in her place and think about how difficult it is sometimes to realize that today you have attention, but tomorrow it may no longer be there, even from your own husband, who may be interested in younger girls. A woman can understand this, or she can feel it instinctively, so she often faces a choice - to take the opportunity to experience new vivid feelings, or to miss them, remaining faithful to her man. And you know, it’s not always easy for a woman to make this choice, no matter how wonderful a person her man or husband is. The subconscious fear that in the future few people will need you, although this, of course, is not a fact, pushes a woman to do crazy things that are illogical from a man’s point of view. But there is logic in them - you just need to understand how a woman feels when she starts a relationship on the side. And in order to understand a woman’s feelings, without being a woman, it is necessary to bring the woman into a sincere conversation, then she herself will tell you everything about her feelings. And since I have been able to do this many times, I am telling you about what sometimes women themselves cannot talk about, because they are not fully aware of the patterns of their behavior and the nature of their desires and feelings.
I think that understanding that a woman does not always consciously commit adultery, taking into account and evaluating all the consequences of her action, will help you, if not forgive, then at least understand your woman, seeing in her betrayal, first of all, weakness. Is it possible then to blame a man, a woman, for her weakness? It's difficult for me to answer this question. After all, there are many weak people, and everyone has their own weaknesses. We can blame people for greed, cowardice, laziness, envy and other negative qualities that are their weakness, but this will not stop them being part of their nature. And I repeat, we are all weak in some way. Therefore, how can we blame other people for their weakness if we ourselves are not perfect? We may be disappointed that a person does not meet our requirements and does not live up to our hopes, but he is who he is - a woman is who she is. If you can find something better, no one is stopping you from replacing it. If you understand that weakness is common to many people, including you, and you are not going to spend your life looking for exactly the one that will suit you in everything - I think you can accept the imperfection of this world, in the person of a woman who is imperfect in her behavior . But it all depends on your attitude towards yourself. If female infidelity hits your pride hard, if you believe that no woman has the right to cuckold you, then you have only one option - leave this woman.
And if you want to stay with the woman who cheated on you, your wife, if you love her and she is dear to you, then accept her for who she is. If she loves you, she will not betray you again, and if she doesn’t love you, then think about why and why you should love her? Maybe you don’t love her, but are simply afraid of losing her, and cannot imagine life without her. In this case, you need the help of a psychologist, because if you are emotionally dependent on a person who causes you suffering, you need to get rid of this dependence. Just don’t put your woman in a “golden cage” and limit her in every possible way, for fear that she will cheat on you again. Think for yourself, will this make your life better and you happier? Hardly. You can take possession of a woman's body, but you cannot take possession of her soul and heart without her desire. Therefore, there can be no talk of any love if a man constantly controls his woman and forbids her everything. Love is born only in freedom, and in captivity fear and hatred are born. Therefore, it is better to give a woman freedom and allow her to live the way she wants, deciding for yourself what in her behavior suits you and what does not. There are many people, many women - we can choose with whom we live. I am sure that you will be able to evaluate all the pros and cons of your woman and make a choice acceptable to you - to forgive her for her betrayal or not. The main thing you must understand is that whatever choice you make, it will be the right one. There is no need to look at other people and their actions in similar situations - they have their own values, their own rules, their own vision of life and their own attitude towards women, so their decisions should not affect yours. Think for yourself - what is best for you - to leave the woman who cheated on you, or to forgive her and stay with her.
In this regard, I do not recommend that you limit yourself in anything - live life to the fullest and use all the opportunities presented to you to make your life more interesting and enjoyable, regardless of your internal installations. And if you have a new relationship, don’t give up on it, look at life more broadly and take from it everything you need. There are many women, and the nature of a man, as you remember, encourages him to give as many of them as possible his attention. Therefore, if your woman, your wife, does not appreciate your devotion to her, then she does not need it. Of course, I don’t know what value system you adhere to, but I know that you are a man, and you have certain desires that you can and that you need to realize in order to feel like a happier person. It's better than being heartbroken over a woman's infidelity.
From my point of view, if a woman cheats on a man, then by her action she tells him - I relieve you of the obligation to be faithful to me, because I myself cannot be like that. Take advantage of this opportunity, if, of course, such a life suits you, and then you will feel much happier. But if you see that your woman’s betrayal is just a mistake that she really regrets, think about forgiving her. After all, who knows, perhaps someday you will not be able to restrain yourself from some rash act, following the lead of your instincts, and then you will also regret what you did, counting on forgiveness. And if you want to be forgiven, learn to forgive yourself. And betrayal, despite all its pain, can be forgiven. You know, sometimes such experiences only strengthen the family if people draw the right conclusions from their mistakes.